Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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