Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
