Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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