Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
