And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
