I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
