I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
