I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
