I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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