hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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