whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
