That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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