I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
