Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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