it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fuck appropriateness.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
