I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
