your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
