You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
