So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
