a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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