I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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