Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
plz talk dirty to me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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