"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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