I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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