I just threw up on my dentist
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
