Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
