im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
