dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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