i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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