I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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