What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
