Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
