drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I could fuck to npr.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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