I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
