sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
