Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
