do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
