I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My liver just had a heart attack.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
