I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
