no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
