instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
