Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
