She is in my trunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
