I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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