Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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