garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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