she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
