she woke up with a sticky ear
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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