Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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