I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
