i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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